Have Fun Out There: Reflections on My First Trail Race

As the Golden Gate Trail Half-Marathon (Winter) approaches, I'm taking time to reflect on my own running journey. Three years ago this week I started running, and I thought it appropriate to reflect on my running history by re-reading excerpts from my journals over the past three years. Reflections from my most adventurous race to date were the most fun to read. I ran the Golden Gate Trail Half-Marathon (Summer) in Sausalito, California and saw it as a personal endurance challenge.

Here's what I wrote in my journal following the race on July 7th, 2018.

I can't believe I did this, but it was totally amazing. Sometimes I just want to test myself to see what I'm capable of doing--I did it! I ran 13.1 miles in a trail half-marathon.

So--the breakdown.

I was up by 4:45 am. I didn't sleep super well but slept plenty. Wicked nervous stomach--scared too--scared that I was in over my head, that I would be the last person to finish, that it would take me 5 or 6 hours, but also I was ready and confident that I could go the distance, even if it took a really long time.

At 5:15 I woke up Ethan [My 17 year-old son was also running the race]. We both ate bagels with honey and peanut butter that we got from the breakfast bar at the hotel the day before and saved them in our room. Because of my nervous stomach, I only ate half a bagel, drank 2 ounces of hot tea, 4 ounces of water and 2 ounces of Gatorade. [We carried Clif Bloks with us and water for in-between the aid stations].

My husband dropped us off at Rodeo Beach at 6:30 am and we picked up our bibs and milled around a bit, stretching and waiting, looking at the ocean.

The 50K and 30K runners took off at 7:00 am and the marathon and half-marathon runners at 7:15 with the 5 milers starting after us. [There were some moments when I asked myself if I should have dropped down to the 5 mile race]. As we lined up, my nerves were calmer, but I was still somewhat in disbelief of what I was about to do.

Elevation for the 1/2 marathon

A younger woman and her partner asked me about the ribbon colors to confirm the trail we were to follow. I remember with confidence, because I was afraid of getting lost, pink for the half marathon, blue=wrong way & polka dots = a turn.

Ready, Set, Go, and we were off with an immediate steep climb. I ran slowly for a few hundred feet before I started hiking. Up, up, up, we climbed. Ethan was ahead of me, of course, and when I looked far above on the mountain, I noticed that even he was hiking. In fact, everyone was hiking. The first two miles were all uphill and they took me about 40 minutes. My first mile was 24 minutes. At this point, I began some serious internal positive self-talk because I was thinking I'd be out there past dark at that rate. Thankfully, I read Deena Kastor's book Let Your Mind Run: A Memoir of Thinking My Way to Victory on the plane, so I had plenty of positive mindset mantras to recite.

2 miles up, up, up

Then there was an opportunity to run on a dirt and gravel trail, and I ran for a while picking up speed before some downhill where I slowed again because of a feeling that I'd fall and tumble right on down the hill head first--yikes! But it was an exciting feeling at the same time. Here's the crazy thing--I kept noticing animal scat and in my horse country Kentucky mindset kept wondering how on earth they would ride horses in that area. It was only later (thankfully) that I realized it was likely not horse scat I saw, but rather bobcat or mountain lion. SO glad I didn't think about that while I was out there running my first trail race.

I had brief moments of wonder for how long my run was going to be, but everyone was so positive and encouraging with a focused "Have Fun Out There" attitude--amazing!

Even the bibs were encouraging

Around mile 5, shortly after the first aid station (where I stopped to relieve myself) I was hiking up another steep gravel road and I kept hearing a clicking sound. I looked to my left and I saw a fox (at least that's what I think it was) staring back at me. I hiked faster and faster and started talking aloud to myself and praying because I wasn't sure it was a fox and I was scared and not super happy that I was alone at that point--but onward and upward, talking to myself!

Eventually some people running the ultra loops started passing me, and I felt better with others in closer proximity, but I was mostly still alone. I didn't even listen to my music at all because I wanted to see and hear my surroundings, the other runners and nature, too.

Sometime around miles 6-8 I was high up above the Golden Gate Bridge and then in a lush green jungle looking area before more dirt paths and then a wildlife area with a sign that read "Wildlife Preservation Area--please move through this area quickly and return to the fire road." No need to tell me twice. I ran FAST through that area and to the next road where I started encountering a few more runners and then at mile 10 there was another steep climb up and toward a youth hostel and potentially more wildlife.

Single footpath for a couple more miles and the last mile of the race was near the lagoon and ocean. Here my watch battery died at mile 12.5. It saved my run, I hoped, anyway. As I approached the beach I saw my husband waiting for me and other runners who were finished cheering and ringing a cowbell for all who passed. Again--positive, fun, encouraging.

I finished with a smile on my face. As I crossed the finish line someone said "Good job, Renee" and handed me a medal. Later I learned my finish time was 3:34 (an hour longer than my usual road race half-marathon times--I'm not fast, but I can endure). Ethan finished 25 minutes before me. He ran a half-trail marathon with little training (Not advisable, he'd later say). His half-marathon road race time is 1:42. We both like to challenge ourselves, and share common traits of determination, persistence, and endurance. Wow--the things you can do when you set your mind to it!

Happy, Accomplished, Tired, and Dirty

Mon & son all cleaned up & ready for a
family feast at a local restaurant

Tips for Recovering from Hurry Sickness

Instructions for living a life:

Pay attention. 

Be Astonished.

Tell about it.

---from Mary Oliver's poem Sometimes

After a middle of the night Emergency Room visit for my son and the hurry to create sub plans for my students earlier this week, I found myself asking--why am I always rushing around?  Always is hyperbole because I have managed to slow down the mental rush in the past three years. Even still, it's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of to-do lists, tasks to accomplish, and goals to tackle on a daily basis.

Learning to slow down and become more mindful has not come easily for me, yet the more I've learned to embrace life and enjoy every moment, the more I have lived with joy, hope, peace, and optimism, even in difficult moments.

Tips for Recovering from Hurry Sickness

1. Be mindful of that rushed feeling. Pause and listen. Pay attention to the moment.
In my classroom, I use at Pause and Listen as a call and response technique when I need to gain students' attention after they've been working collaboratively. I say "pause" and they reply "and listen." Prior to this year, I had never used a call and response technique, but I'm liking it because it works and it reminds us all to literally pause and listen for a minute.

2. Be realistic and accept help from others when it's offered, and set guidelines for what you can do instead of layering on more. In other words--say no more often. Three years ago I was stressed to the max with work, networking, and professional pursuits, caught up in the rat race that even educators succumb to at times. (e.g. If I could just get one more conference proposal accepted, schedule one more PD webinar, fly to one more meeting across the country, facilitate one more workshop, speak at another convention, write one more contract, draft one more article, etc.)

3. Create a gratitude list. Be specific with it. Something as simple as noticing the beautiful sky on a cold morning can change the way you feel at a given moment. Driving to work one day this week, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a gorgeous sunrise. I took that moment and allowed myself to feel grateful for the beauty and that gratefulness led to more feelings of gratitude as I noticed how much I appreciated the solitude on my drive, and then when I arrived at school, someone held the door open for me, and then a student brought me artwork she created for our kindness and gratitude bulletin board. One moment of gratitude led to many more moments of gratefulness throughout my day. 

Releasing Judgment

Standing in the hallway of my new school, on a break during a professional development day for new teachers, I listened to the nurse navigator as she relayed the news “you have cancer... I know you’re starting a new job and have limited time available, so I set up appointments with a surgeon and an oncologist for after school...”  I called my husband and knew there were others to call, but I needed to get back into the PD session.  I returned to the classroom and went through the motions for the remainder of our day while in my mind asking “why me? Why now?”

And then the self-judging took over. I compared myself to others, and I continued to ask why this was happening. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I run half-marathons. I eat nutritious foods. I lost 50 pounds in 3 years and maintain a healthy weight. I go for my annual check-ups. I am healthy and I feel better than ever. Why me?

Instead of trusting that it was all part of the plan for my life, I let fear rule, and I judged myself and my journey. It’s easy to do, and difficult to stop. I’ve been thinking more lately about judgment and ways and reasons for releasing it. Releasing judgment is an ongoing process, one in which I cycle in and out.

When we judge ourselves, we bring more stress and suffering thinking we’re not doing enough, being enough, etc. We “should” on ourselves, telling ourselves what we should or should not do. Judgment comes from fear, a fear that we are not worthy, but we are worthy. By surrendering ourselves to a higher power, we can find inner peace and freedom from judgment.

How do we release judgment?

• We understand that we don’t have all the answers.
• We remain flexible and open-minded, accepting of ourselves and others.
• We change our language and avoid dwelling on our mistakes.
• We practice compassion and remember that compassion and judgment cannot co-exist.
• We remember that we can't always believe what we think, especially about our need to be right.
• We value individuality and uniqueness.

What happens when we forget to do these things? We avoid dwelling on the negative or the fact that we believe we've fallen off track.  We acknowledge it, accept it, and move forward, forgiving ourselves and releasing judgment.

#ChooseJoy

5 Important Lessons Learned in 2018

If this best nine image looks a bit sloppy, it’s a perfect representation of 2018. Beautiful and messy. We often showcase the best "Instagram worthy" images to represent our lives, and I would contend that's fine as long as we remember there's always more to an image than meets the eye. Life is about perspective.

From switching teaching jobs, to supporting a son with an often debilitating illness, to surviving treatment for breast cancer, some might say 2018 was a tough year for me, and I wouldn’t disagree. But, I’ve also learned deeply about life.

Here's my perspective on what I learned in 2018.

1) Life is messy and beautiful and worth living.

Amidst the day to day living, you really never do know how much time you have on earth, so make the most it. Love fiercely, take risks, and say “no” if you don’t or can’t really do something.

2) Inspire others by being the best version of yourself.

Live authentically. Define your values. Keep an open mind. Remember, who you are evolves and changes because you are a work in progress, so you can only be the best version of yourself that you are at any given moment, and that's okay.

3) People you never expect to help often step forward to offer support, and people you expect to help might not.

When life obstacles come our way, keep your expectations for others in check because unrealistic expectations of others can lead to more hurt or over-thinking. Why didn't _____help out? I never would have expected ___to be so generous.

4) Commit to process over an event/milestone.

When life is going well or not going well, it's easy to get excited or to become eager about the next event or milestone. If, however, you commit to process rather than the event/milestone, you can develop a system of healthy habits and daily living that helps you throughout life. This means you need to understand your WHY (your motivation) for what you are doing. Why are you training for a half-marathon? Why are you saving money for a family vacation? Why are you cleaning up after the dog for the umpteenth time today? Why are you taxiing your kids all over town to meet up with their friends over Christmas Break?

5) The greatest gift you can offer others is your own joy and inner peace. 

Remember that you are uniquely and wonderfully made. You are loved. You are supported and protected. Remember that JOY is an attitude that requires courage, commitment, and strength. Even if you feel like you're lacking in those areas, you can choose where you place your focus. You can choose to be grateful for small things and in those small things you find more courage, strength, and commitment. #ChooseJoy

The Best Quotes from The Pursuit of Endurance by Jennifer Pharr Davis

Several years ago I read Cheryl Strayed's Wild while visiting family in Western North Carolina. My sister, Beth, an avid backpacker and hiker, told me about a woman who hiked the entire Appalachian Trail in under 47 days. "Impossible." I remember saying to her. "It takes months to hike the AT." Beth persisted in telling me about Jennifer Pharr Davis, who had recently won a National Geographic Adventurer of the Year award for setting the Fastest Known Time (FKT) on the Appalachian Trail in 2011. Following my conversation with Beth, I read numerous hiking narratives because I wanted to understand how it was humanly possible to hike 2, 189 miles in less than two months.

In the dozen or so books I read about hiking, I learned about endurance, persistence, grit and transformation. My interest in these topics goes back to my childhood and a volleyball team my mom wouldn't let me quit (but that's a story for another time). In May as the final weeks of school wrapped up for the year, I read two new books The Pursuit of Endurance: Harnessing the Record-Breaking Power of Strength and Resilience by Jennifer Pharr Davis and North: Finding My Way While Running the Appalachian Trail by Scott Jurek. Both were exceptionally written and awe inspiring, but I related more with aspects of Pharr Davis's book because of my connections to Western North Carolina. Not only does my family live there, but I lived there, taught there, hiked there, birthed my children there.

This week, I returned to The Pursuit of Endurance because the well-researched approach and embedded narrative resonated with me. I marked passages and selected quotes for motivation and inspiration. Here I'm sharing some of my favorites because I bet they'll resonate with you, too, especially if you need a little Monday Motivation (or any other day of the week motivation). Hopefully, you'll take away not only a quote for motivation, but a desire to read the full book.

Photo Credit: Ethan Boss 

Quotes for when it feels like you're failing and life all around you is crumbling

"When it feels as if you are constantly losing and everything good is slipping away, it is difficult to muster the strength to keep trying again and again. But endurance is the ability to continue despite past results and with disregard for future outcomes (107)."

"When you have failed over and over again, the decision to keep moving forward is not derived from reason but driven by hope (108)."

"If you never fail then you haven't set your goals high enough (139)." 

"Don't be afraid of failure. Endurance is failure after failure, after failure (295)."

Quotes for learning more about yourself

"The thing about a long, grueling journey is that it strips away who you're not and allows you to discover what's left--or who's left (165)."

"One damn good reason to pursue endurance--and choose suffering--is to get to know yourself inside and out. When you reach that moment where you gave more than you thought you had and accomplished more than you thought you could, it's clear who you are (165)."

"The best way to move forward is not to forsake the past, but to forgive it--and yourself (174)."

Quotes for when you're judging yourself or others

"Go outside, take a walk with someone different from you (295)."

"My rule of thumb is that you never judge someone else's pace or form because you don't know how far they've come and what they're still planning to do (299)."

"The essence of endurance will never be defined by rules and categories; it will be distinguished by the stories of the unique individuals who blaze the trail 293)." 

"The hurt we experience in life might never fully go away; it could ebb and flow for an eternity. You can make progress and appreciate the times when life isn't much of a struggle. And you can pray, and cry, and wrestle through the rest (293)." 

"It behooves us to not come to quick conclusions about other people's paths and instead approach each individual with encouragement and compassion. We might be on different trails, but we are all mid-journey (300)." 

Quotes for when you feel like you can't keep going

"When life feels hopeless, or unfair or completely out of my control, I remember the new opportunities and experiences and encounters that arise when you are willing to take one more step (201)."

"We exist only as long as we persist. And there is confounding hope and limitless possibility in our ability to rise up, change direction, and take one more step (302)."

"It is okay to fall short, it is okay to let people down, it is okay to hurt and suffer, it is okay to stop when you can't go any farther. But don't give up on yourself, your goals, or the people around you (296)."

Quotes for remembering that you have a choice

"Endurance isn't accepting the trail you're on, it's choosing it (245)."

"Our resilience is proved in trying circumstances and exhibited by accepting a challenge. Choosing to tackle difficult situations will help us better navigate the ones that are forced on us (293)."

"Feeling stuck is no excuse for staying where you are. Life is hard; struggle is guaranteed, but you can exercise your right to choose where and how to struggle (299)."

Photo Credit: Ethan Boss

Quotes for remembering that YOU MATTER

"You can't let public opinion determine the worth of your journey (281)." 

"Endurance, even amid a competition, is still an individual journey. Everyone takes part in a unique struggle and at some point, you will need to unlock your own secrets in order to keep going (198)."

"You can't let public opinion determine the worth of your journey (281)."  

"I remind myself that sometimes you are so consumed by the task at hand that you don't realize that you are on your way to accomplishing something amazing (201)."

"The AT emits wisdom.
There is a palpable maturity
that wafts
 through the ancient
 granite and the exposed,
gnarled roots of the spruce trees (132)."

Read my review of Becoming Odyssa for Sip & Slice Blog.

The Important Lesson I Learned When I Stayed Inside to Teach During the Student Walkout

I am sometimes known for being outspoken on issues that matter to me, and without a doubt I am a huge supporter of students’ voices being heard in education. So, when I learned that I would be one of the teachers at my school to stay inside and teach during the student walkout earlier this week, I’ll have to admit I was initially disappointed. I wanted to be outside to see students exercise their rights to peaceful assembly and their rights to freedom of speech. I wanted to see students lead the program honoring lives lost to senseless gun violence. I wanted to be part of a program I believe in--to stand in solidarity on issues that matter to me.

But, of course, I followed the plans provided by our leaders. Thank goodness they knew what to expect from our community, and they planned for scenarios where people would oppose the student walkout—that was hard me to imagine, but it turned out to be true.

Since I teach during the time of the planned walkout, I wasn't one of the 2nd block teachers who headed outside into the below freezing weather to monitor students and attend the event. Rather, I showed up to my 2nd block class wondering if I’d have any students or if they’d all be outside. I thought about how I, too, would be able to go outside if all of my students went out. Slowly, a handful of students trickled into the classroom. They were quiet and waiting to learn what we would be doing while most of the others were outside. 

I watched their faces and tried not to pry for reasons why they chose to stay inside. Some students were vocal, telling me without my asking that they chose to stay inside for political reasons. A couple more chimed in saying it was too cold outside, and two others kept their eyes down and pulled out their journals. I took my cue from them. At that moment when I wanted so desperately to discuss what was going on outside, I refrained. 

Instead, as I do each block, I wrote the journal prompt (related to the texts we’re reading) on the board and told students we’d proceed without interrupting our normal routine. They wrote silently in their journals because that’s what we do at the start of every class. We’re developing habits of disciplined writers, and clearly, the routine writing practice is working because they know to expect it and they keep producing thoughts and insights. 

On Wednesday morning when I looked at the faces of my students, I realized those were the faces that mattered to me at that moment. Those were the tentative-feeling teens waiting to see how their teacher would carry on. Those were the students who were expecting the adult in the room to set the tone. Those were the students who selected to exercise their freedom of choice not to participate in the walkout. Their rights were important too.

This morning as I wrote in my journal and reflected on Wednesday's events, I thought about the slogan the students at our school developed for the walkout--Love Generally--a play on our school's mascot The Generals. I also contemplated a quote in my morning reading and meditation time, a quote from Henri Nouwen: “In love there is no room for fear.” 

My hope is that I love a little harder and fear a little less.

2 Years of Running and Life Perspective 2.0

My running journey started two years ago--February 6th, 2016 to be exact.

Lacing up an old pair of athletic shoes, tears streaming down my face, hurt and anger raging in my head, I raced out the front door. I ran only one block before stopping to walk on that cold brisk February day. Out of breath and with my whole body aching, I called a friend and kept walking and talking.

Within days of learning life-changing traumatic news, I resolved to run my first 5K. Since running my first 5K April 30th, 2016, I've run over 1,500 miles (including two half-marathons), lost 50 pounds, and gained a whole new perspective on life.

Crossing the finish line Sept. 2017

Life perspective 2.0

Be determined.

Seriously. Determination. To run long distances you have to be determined. You learn not to give up. You press on, even when you want to stop. You tell yourself, one foot in front of the other. One mile at a time. Reminds me a bit of Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird, one of my favorite books.

Set priorities.

You make time for what’s important. Life as a runner is important to me because it’s a

healthier way to live, and it keeps me grounded mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Back when I was reading a book a week, people used to ask how I had the time.

I made the time because it was important to me. We all have the same 24 hours in a day,

and it’s up to us how we use them.

Be compassionate.

We can be hard on ourselves and others with negativity, doubt, and judgment or we

can be compassionate and offer kindness towards ourselves and others. Whether

we make our race goals and our life goals by an established time or we pause to enjoy

the moment, we can connect with ourselves and others when we engage in positive,

compassionate, and kind talk and care.

Look inward for peace and contentment.

Long hours on the trail or the road offer time for contemplation and a freeing of the mind

from daily life worries. Running makes life better.

Be humble.

When you consistently run toward the mid-back of the pack, humbleness takes on new

meaning. It doesn’t matter how fast or when you cross the finish line. What matters is that

you’re out there running the same miles as everyone else. So, if you snap a selfie because

you’re proud of yourself, it’s ok because you’re humble in your endeavors. Sometimes you

can’t even believe what you’re capable of accomplishing!

Take action.

Instead of sitting around and hoping or wishing for a better life, you take action and hold

yourself accountable. No one can run the miles for you. No one can force you out of your

big red comfy chair and onto the road for a run. You’re the only one responsible for your

choices and actions.

Be grateful.

You learn the importance of smiling and being grateful for small things like the birds chirping,

the sun shining, the snow and ice-free running trail, the strong legs and body you have from

working hard. You run and enjoy it.

My ongoing running journey brought me a new life perspective for which I am grateful.

It also brought healthier eating habits and weight loss. I didn’t start running to lose weight

or to win any races. I started running to lose the parts of life that were headed straight downhill at accelerating speeds. I gained a new life--one that’s worth loving and worth living passionately. Each day I have a choice to make, and nine times out of ten, I choose joy (and running).

  Jan 2016                                Feb 2018

5 Things I'm Doing in My Classroom This Year

When I was out of the classroom and working in other education settings, I met all kinds of people who have grand ideas for how to improve public education and how to make it more innovative. I read about teachers (and met many of them) doing cutting edge things. Imagine the pressure I could have placed on myself to try and do everything I learned upon returning to teaching.

Even with all the cool tech ideas and innovative teaching strategies I learned, probably the most important idea I learned while away from teaching was the idea that we learn from our failures. As a former leader in the "I expect perfection from myself at all times" club, learning from failure has been a major undertaking. My hope is that by learning from my mistakes, I can teach students how to learn from theirs. I hope I can teach them not only how to learn from failure but that mistakes are okay.

Here are 5 things I'm doing this year...

Building relationships. Our principal challenged us this year to see each student, and building relationships is one way to be sure I see my students. My strategy for building relationships is ongoing, but one concrete thing I do is have each student create a name tent on card stock. Inside the name tent they write things about themselves they want me to know, and during my planning block I read the inside of the cards. At first I had students pick up their card each time they came to class, but after I started learning their names, I started passing out the cards so I could pause and chat with students about what they wrote on the inside of their cards. I do this quietly while they write in their journals.

Developing habits of mind. I've been teaching my students how to be effective readers and writers by teaching them habits of disciplined writers and readers and practicing these habits daily. Every day when they enter class, we set a timer and write in our journals for 15 minutes (classes are 90 minutes long). Sometimes I write with them. Sometimes, I use that time to learn names, take attendance, etc. Though I provide a writing prompt for their consideration, students are free to write whatever they choose as long as they just keep writing. One student is working on a short story and another is writing poems. Others are using the writing time to decompress and de-stress from the busyness of their day. Periodically, they choose a journal entry to revise and submit. They use words from their individualized vocabulary lists in their revisions when appropriate.

Photo by my colleague Sophie Schwab. Used with permission.

Making thinking visible. I've been teaching students how to make their thinking visible by teaching text annotation strategies and other visible thinking routines. We've analyzed artwork and photographs and advertisements. In my arts and humanities class, we've learned how to critique artwork using elements and principles of art. We've studied color theory and painted. In my English classes, we've analyzed images and read a variety of complex texts. We've focused on individualized vocabulary learning.

Establishing routines for class discussion.  I've taught all levels of students how to have active text-focused discussions using the Paideia Seminar approach. We've set class goals and individual goals for discussion, and we've learned how to converse on controversial topics. A student last week even went home and told his parents about our Paideia discussion over one of the texts because he was so energized and excited about it (and yes, it was a text in our district mandated curriculum). The student's parents told me how excited he was about the discussion when I saw them at open house Thursday night. The big take-away comment from a student-- "we need to see issues from multiple perspectives and respect the viewpoints of others."

Practicing gratitude. Every morning before I go to school, I write in my journal and I include my gratitude list.  At school we practice daily gratitude, too. At first we used post-it notes and I had students write what they're grateful for on a post-it and place the post-it on the board anonymously, but then I realized I'd never be able to afford the continued purchase of that many post-it notes, so now we're using slips of paper that I collect and shuffle to keep the anonymity as desired by many. Since I am a "floating" teacher and don't have my own room, we all need time to pack up at the end of each block, so after we pack up, I read the gratitude slips aloud for the last two minutes and we end the block with a smile.

I know that I influence the students I teach with my attitude and perspective on life and learning. I am human. I am self-loving and self-forgiving. I am okay with not doing everything perfectly. I hope they realize the same.

Running and Teaching: Lessons Learned

With the first week of my return to teaching complete, I slept soundly last night and woke up feeling refreshed and ready to settle into the weekend with my family. Friends and family have been texting, calling, instant messaging, and otherwise wondering how it was for me this week. Well, I'll tell you--it was incredible. Incredible like it is when you return from a run feeling tired, yes, AND on top of the world because you're exerting yourself to the fullest.

My 19th year in education & my 12th year as a teacher.

I believe what I've learned from running over the past year and a half applies to teaching too.

1. I can set and achieve audacious personal and physical goals.
2. Career and working all the time are not the most important things in life.
3. The ugly days (and runs) got me to where I am today.
4. I need to take care of myself before I can tend to others.
5. Being consistent and having a routine makes a difference.
6. Incremental changes matter.
7. I can't (and don't need to) fix, manage, and control anyone or anything.
8. It's okay to ask for help (there's a whole community cheering for you).


"Most runners run not because they want to live longer, but because they want to live life to the fullest. If you're going to while away the years, it's far better to live them with clear goals and fully alive then in a fog, and I believe running helps you to do that. Exerting yourself to the fullest within your individual limits: that's the essence of running, and a metaphor for life..."  Haruki Murakami

Photo from April 30, 2016
Coincidentally, the very first race I ran
 was a 5K fundraiser for the marching band
at the school where I now teach

Why I am Returning to Teaching

School starts August 16th and for the first time in nearly 8 years, I will return to school with rosters full of students in classes I'll teach. I am scared a little and excited a lot.

After holding four different education positions, facilitating dozens of PD sessions, taking 96 trips for work, reading hundreds of books, and meeting thousands of people, I am finally ready to return.

I always said I would return to teaching when the timing was right, and I never expected that timing to be in the midst of me leading a big statewide initiative. But it is the right time because everything is going well, and I'm not running away from a miserable job in search of greener pastures. I  have a great job and work with dedicated professionals at a local education cooperative and we are doing amazing work with teachers as we expand the Common Assignment System statewide. So, I'm leaving all this behind because the timing is right.  

I'm returning to teaching because I want to work with students. I want to put into practice what I learned while I was away.  When I left the classroom, I certainly never intended it to be a permanent thing. Rather, it was a chance to learn, grow, and challenge myself in new ways while taking a breather from the day to day stresses of teaching. I've learned some things along the way, and it's my hope that what I've learned helps me be a better teacher the second time around.

The story of my decision to return...

In 2015-2016 I started the National Board (NBCT) renewal process by borrowing a classroom and getting to know students in the same school where I'll be teaching this fall. Life events that academic year led me to defer my NBCT renewal while I regained my bearings and figured out what was next for me in life. After soul searching and transforming all areas of my life, I picked up the renewal process with unfettered enthusiasm again in 2016-2017. During this process I was at the same school and working with a dear teacher friend who graciously loaned me her class (again) so I could get to know the students before teaching them for my renewal video lesson. It was there in that classroom that I began to see myself teaching full time though I wasn't sure when, where, or how.

The thing about the NBCT process is that it promotes continual reflection and learning. One of my favorite parts about teaching has always been building relationships with students and mentoring them, and I’ve found that teaching students to set goals aids in this process because students can then take ownership of their learning. In the short time I had with students for my NBCT renewal, they established individual goals for our lesson. Since students were working toward the development of an opinion-editorial (op-ed) for a larger unit, they explored claims and counterclaims in the print and non-print texts we read for our Paideia Seminar discussion. When I watched my video of that lesson, I recognized things that went right and analyzed the things I could have done differently. The students I taught were curious, inquisitive, honest, and invested. They became the impetus for my deeper look at returning to teaching.

More soul searching and prayers for guidance.

I contemplated my list of things that were challenging in teaching and realized if I waited for those things to change, I'd never return. Instead, I looked inside myself and saw how I had changed. My attitude, perspective, and outlook are all different now. No longer do I believe people are doing things to me; no longer am I carrying a heavy weight of everything that's wrong about public education system. Instead, I am focused on what's right and what I can do to change my world and influence the people with whom I interact.

Unexpected opening.

One day in late June, I checked our district's website and noticed an opening at the same school where I completed my NBCT renewal, an unexpected opening due to a teacher relocating. Having prayed for a sign about timing, I took this as one possible sign that it was time to pursue the return to teaching now rather than later. I applied online, submitted information for my background check, wrote a letter of introduction, updated my resume, and sent both off to the principal and department chair. Two interviews and several weeks later, I was offered a position teaching ninth and tenth grade students English and Arts/Humanities.

Three weeks from now, I'll return to school at the place where I feel I am meant to be with new students and new colleagues and my new outlook on life. My principal reminded me recently  when he first met me four years ago as I led the Common Assignment Study and teachers from his school participated that I told him I am someone who takes leaps of faith...here we go...I'm doing it again...and I look forward to what awaits.

The Sun is Shining & Other Lessons I’m Learning from Journaling

“The diary taught me that it is in the moments of emotional crisis that human beings reveal themselves most accurately…” Anais Nin, Volume 1

Standing in a hotel room in the Sunshine State, I accepted a call from the nurse at my doctor’s office. “Your recent results from your yearly physical indicate you are completely healthy on all accounts except one — you have a severe vitamin D deficiency.” Thoughts of a sailor’s teeth falling out from Rickets and other maritime diseases crept into my mind as she continued…”a vitamin D deficiency can cause moodiness and depression…” I began losing her as I retreated further into my mind. Sure, I had been especially moody lately, but I naturally dismissed it to recent work and family stress.

Two days later I was home again and faced with life altering news that sent me into a dark cave for a time, and slowly as I began to emerge from underground, I noticed the sun shining and recognized an opportunity for personal growth by allowing myself to be nourished by light and knowledge. Many of the lessons I’m learning began surfacing as I focused on the beauty of the sun shining and began to explore the inner depths of my mind through journaling.

Most of my writing in the past four years has been public writing via blogging for my personal blog and contributing to several other professional blogs. However, I found in the midst of a personal crisis, I couldn’t write for the public. Instead, I journaled to make sense of my life.

And then, as often happens, a brilliant post from Maria Popova’s Brain Pickings reached my inbox. In this post, Popova talks about how several famous authors, including Virginia Woolf and John Steinbeck used private writing to become better public writers. Woolf supposedly said she used informal writing to “loosen the ligaments” for formal writing, and Steinbeck wrote 276 private letters about the nature of creativity to a friend while he was writing East of Eden and didn’t mail the letters until his novel was complete.

Inspired by these great authors and one terrific blogging coach from National Blogging Collaborative, I decided to think about what I’m learning from all my private writing. Not to share my personal thoughts from my journal but to share what I’m learning from the process.

I’m learning…

to be reflective

In Plato’s Republic, we see images of humans chained to benches facing a wall. It’s as a man, or shall we say woman instead, leaves the cave and sees the light of reality. This analogy works perfectly with how I’ve been learning to leave my dark cave and to see reality. I’ve always thought of myself as a reflective person. All those psychology classes in college kinda forced me to be reflective, but when you’re faced with challenging life circumstances, you dig deeper into who you are and what you need from life. All that introspection makes for even stronger self-reflection. I’m learning I have the capacity and willingness to know more about who I am, my life’s purpose & the essence of my life.

to pay attention to details

In her poem, The Summer Day, Mary Oliver reminds us to think about what we will do with our “one wild and precious life.” For me, this means paying attention to the details, and I’ll tell you (as would many of colleagues and family members) I’ve never been someone to pay attention to details in life. Journaling, however, is teaching me the importance of paying attention to details. As I embrace this one big life I’m living, I’m learning to pay attention and to live in the present instead of dwelling on the past or fretting about the future. For example, I might record that I enjoyed Tazo Earl Grey hot tea and Eggs Benedict for breakfast while on a business trip to Colorado. This matters only because it’s forcing me to stay in the present, and who knows — when I write a memoir one day, the specific details might matter more.

to be grateful

In Heaping Spoonful of Gratitude, Kindra Hall writes about her experience with keeping a gratitude journal, and she shares how when it’s turned into another to-do item to check off the daily list, gratitude journals can lose their impact. I’ve found keeping a gratitude journal along with my daily journal is a specific task helping me focus my attitude on the positives in life from the sun shining and the birds singing, to moments when I get to hear my older son play guitar or see my younger son score a goal on the soccer field. I’m grateful for life, even the challenges, and for what I’m learning.

to acknowledge my creative potential

My journals are filled with ideas, snapshots of life, expressions of emotions, quotes, songs, and dialogue. I’m living life more deeply and fully these days, and the curiosity that comes with living deeply and fully enhances my creative energies. I’m trying out writing from different points of view. I’m reliving childhood memories. I’m using words to sketch portraits of people in my life. I’m solving problems by writing about them.